The Hubs Quandary (BS post No.2)

BS = Bariatric Surgery, get your minds off the four letter words and such!

The Hubs Quandary. A quandary in which I begin to wonder how exactly Bariatric Surgery will effect Hubs, and there for me.

I read an article yesterday about a woman who had RNY and within 2 years she and her hubs split because he was unprepared for and did not know the woman she became post surgery. Mind you, she was young, married young, and had always been fat (let's call it what it is, shall we?). So, her hubs had no idea who this thin, flirty, clothes horse was.

It made me think of my friend Cole. First, let's establish her husband was a jealous abusive bleep. He couldn't handle men talking to her when she was chubby, but when she was skinny? Hooboy, THAT was a mess. Add to that her new found attractiveness, her new body that fit in all those awesome sexy clothes, and men paid positive attention to her because now they saw her, and she loved it. The marriage was toxic to begin with, but this just.. just.. well, it was bad.

Sis, I think went through a bit of a rough transition because her husband genuinly thought she was the hottest thing around before surgery, and when other men started noticing her post surgery... it was hard for him. But luckily, Sis was crazy in love with her hot hubs and it wasn't long before he relaxed again and realized she was his, he was hers, and nothing would change that.

My sexy hot hubs, who may not be your kind of sexy is exactly my kind. One of the things I like best is that even in my current body if he wanted to toss me on the bed and have his way with me, he's strong enough he can... It wouldn't be pretty or graceful (they don't call me "grace" for nothing), and there may be some groaning (not in the good way either) and a dire need of muscle relaxers afterwards, but he can do it! I do believe hubs has seen all the many facets of me. However, there are some things I am going to have to guard against.

THIS THING: I'm a flirt. I come by it naturally, my dad is too. I say sassy, flirty things, they come out of my mouth sometimes before I even realize I did it! I don't mean a darn thing by it, infact I kind of always assume men know that. I don't look like the kind of girl most men are attracted to, but that doesn't mean men always see it that way. Add in that, although my hubs may adore me to pieces... he isn't as naturally wordy about it as I need. He knows this. He works at it, but sometimes... it's not there. So - If I'm my new healthy body self and I flirt with no intentions, and someone flirts back with every intention, how long would it be before I am listening to that other man intently? See? It's something I have to actively guard against or I've just opened a can of worms I never want opened in my house. Here's the honesty bit that most women can't admit. I love the attention flirting gets me. I like sarcasm too, but flirting gives me a sense of triumph when someone flirts back. This is MY problem, not my husbands. This is something I have chosen not to do outside of my relationship with Hubs. I flirt with him. Only him. Ever. It's a choice everyday that I make. So looking at this from a skinnier post surgery point of view. It will be my job to make sure he knows that, and can trust in it. If he gets jealous, or worried it will be because he sees others noticing me, not because he sees me enticing others.

THIS THING: Part and Parcel of liking attention is wearing clothes that draw attention. I don't mean hoochy clothes. I mean great clothes. Fitted jeans, properly fitted tops, awesome boots, eye catching jewelry. All the kinds of clothes that cost the annual budget of a minor country when you start adding X's to the size. Nothing slouchy or frumpy. Sure, I like the light in Hubs eyes when he sees a bit more flesh than usual, but I respect him, and myself too much to go flaunting myself in public. That extra flesh is for him... No, what I mean is that even though I will have less body to clothe, I won't have much clothes for the body, and the same crappy budget I've always had. I have to guard against over spending just because I "need" a pair of jeans. Luckily I love thrift shops.

The above may not seem like much. It's not a lot really, and honestly? I think I won't have to work too hard to guard against these things since I actively guard against them now anyway. Not flirting with other men when you are married? Kinda part of the deal. Just don't do it. Not spending out of budget on clothes? Uhmm... probably not a big deal because I never really have a budget for that stuff anyway. I just know myself, and I know that when I was closer to my goal weight as a young single woman, I got to do the dumb stupid things like flirt with lots of guys and overspend on clothes. Sure it was fun, but none of it made me happier. None of it was really worth the kind of issues it would cause me now, so why bother? I just had to write about it after reading that woman's article and do a bit of self analysis and make sure I'm gonna be OK. We're gonna be OK. Because I love Hubs, and he loves me. There is NO quandary there.

Now... If you are post surgery:

1) What has been your experience in your relationships? With Hubs/BF? Bestie? etc... any nuggets of wisdom?

2) Suggestions for restocking your wardrobe that won't break the bank?

First things first...or next, whichever. (Post No.1, of the Bariatric Surgery posts)

Lot's on my mind.

Today I had my first appointment with my bariatric surgeon. Lots of things I have to do, and about 6 or 7 months before my actual surgery.

I know several people who have had a bariatric surgery, either Roux-En-Y (RNY), or Gastric Sleeve. For all who want to know, I have elected to go with Roux-En-Y, also known as Gastric Bypass. I have been researching this for many years and weighed the pros and cons of both types. I know myself, and know that the sleeve will not be as successful of a procedure for me. Now that we have that out of the way, let's get on with the 'blogging my journey' portion of this post.

First, why do people say they are going to blog their journey, but only start after the surgery? After their first "After" picture? A large amount of the people I know who have had the surgery have not told many people till just a few days before surgery. My theory is that they aren't sure of everyones reactions and are not sure they want to hear the negativity. I get it. I don't want to either, but I'm not afraid to, because I'm confidant in what I am choosing to do. It's what is best for me, and my future.

Second, why is everyones "before" pics always some blurry, bairly recognizable snap shot, or a mugshot like hotmess, makeup free, sallow skinned, sad, sad, mad, poorly lit picture in front of a wall in their bedroom? Again, I get it. It's because no one wants to have someone take their pic in all their fat glory. 

Well, I won't be doing either. As you can see, I'm blogging now. As for the pic. The next time I have a chance to take a cute pic for you that shows my current size, I will.

So, what brought me here... let's tell that part of the story:

If you read my blog, you'll see that I have had weight issues all my life. You would also read about my Graves Disease and subsequent thyroid issues. The surgery isn't a new desire for me, It's been 12 years in the making. Two people I know had the surgery done back then, and because of them I have two great examples of the best case scenario and worst case scenario of RNY. Sis, she had the surgery, and despite initial procedure issues she has done fabulous. Even had 3 kids and got back down to her goal weight. Cole, she had the surgery, got to her goal weight but freely admits she did a lot to sabotage herself. She also suffered what is known as "addiction displacement" and fell into a destructive cycle that nearly ruined her, her life, and our friendship. We're back on track and thankfully, so is she. Still, I have two people to be the example of what and what not to do.

In summer 2011 (stop me...er.. skip ahead if you know this story) we took the kiddos to Hershey Park. If you don't know already, I have pretty good self esteem. Pretty solid on who I am and happy with how I look. I may be chubby, but I'm HOT in a curvy sexy way that is all me. Anyway, I knew there would be rides I would not fit on. No problem.. just don't ride a lot. We went through the whole day with no problems. Even surprised myself and got to ride a few rides I was sure I wouldn't be able to. On one of the last few rides, the bar wouldn't lock. I laughed, got on out of the car and made my way to the other side of the ride platform. All of our crew were on the ride, I was the only one not riding. I wasn't bothered and hoped no one else was for me. I turned around to watch them as they finished loading, when I saw Peaches look at me and say "I have to ride alone?" It happened that she didn't, our friend rode with her, but... wow... that moment. I saw my daughter face my weight in a negative way for the first time. She never cared that I was squishy as she called it, loved me anyway. That moment though, I saw her left alone because of my weight. Something that would be the story of her life if I didn't figure out how to get healthy. That night I told Hubs (he was still Fubs back then) that I would be having the surgery as soon as I could work it out. So, the next four years have been some successes and lots of failures in that regard. Some weight loss, some gain. I had insurance, then I didn't, then I did. Then Magoo needed braces, so we couldn't do it last year. Well... this is my year. And it starts today.

It'll be a long process. Lots of appointments, work outs, tests, etc... I'm anticipating few issues, since I'm commited to this. Just need to slog through it all!

That's it for now. I will post more as I meet with the nutritionist, start working out, cut out soda (again), and generally do this journey. Thanks for reading and please! Comment, share, whatevs.. let's talk!