BS = Bariatric Surgery, get your minds off the four letter words and such!
The Hubs Quandary. A quandary in which I begin to wonder how exactly Bariatric Surgery will effect Hubs, and there for me.
I read an article yesterday about a woman who had RNY and within 2 years she and her hubs split because he was unprepared for and did not know the woman she became post surgery. Mind you, she was young, married young, and had always been fat (let's call it what it is, shall we?). So, her hubs had no idea who this thin, flirty, clothes horse was.
It made me think of my friend Cole. First, let's establish her husband was a jealous abusive bleep. He couldn't handle men talking to her when she was chubby, but when she was skinny? Hooboy, THAT was a mess. Add to that her new found attractiveness, her new body that fit in all those awesome sexy clothes, and men paid positive attention to her because now they saw her, and she loved it. The marriage was toxic to begin with, but this just.. just.. well, it was bad.
Sis, I think went through a bit of a rough transition because her husband genuinly thought she was the hottest thing around before surgery, and when other men started noticing her post surgery... it was hard for him. But luckily, Sis was crazy in love with her hot hubs and it wasn't long before he relaxed again and realized she was his, he was hers, and nothing would change that.
My sexy hot hubs, who may not be your kind of sexy is exactly my kind. One of the things I like best is that even in my current body if he wanted to toss me on the bed and have his way with me, he's strong enough he can... It wouldn't be pretty or graceful (they don't call me "grace" for nothing), and there may be some groaning (not in the good way either) and a dire need of muscle relaxers afterwards, but he can do it! I do believe hubs has seen all the many facets of me. However, there are some things I am going to have to guard against.
THIS THING: I'm a flirt. I come by it naturally, my dad is too. I say sassy, flirty things, they come out of my mouth sometimes before I even realize I did it! I don't mean a darn thing by it, infact I kind of always assume men know that. I don't look like the kind of girl most men are attracted to, but that doesn't mean men always see it that way. Add in that, although my hubs may adore me to pieces... he isn't as naturally wordy about it as I need. He knows this. He works at it, but sometimes... it's not there. So - If I'm my new healthy body self and I flirt with no intentions, and someone flirts back with every intention, how long would it be before I am listening to that other man intently? See? It's something I have to actively guard against or I've just opened a can of worms I never want opened in my house. Here's the honesty bit that most women can't admit. I love the attention flirting gets me. I like sarcasm too, but flirting gives me a sense of triumph when someone flirts back. This is MY problem, not my husbands. This is something I have chosen not to do outside of my relationship with Hubs. I flirt with him. Only him. Ever. It's a choice everyday that I make. So looking at this from a skinnier post surgery point of view. It will be my job to make sure he knows that, and can trust in it. If he gets jealous, or worried it will be because he sees others noticing me, not because he sees me enticing others.
THIS THING: Part and Parcel of liking attention is wearing clothes that draw attention. I don't mean hoochy clothes. I mean great clothes. Fitted jeans, properly fitted tops, awesome boots, eye catching jewelry. All the kinds of clothes that cost the annual budget of a minor country when you start adding X's to the size. Nothing slouchy or frumpy. Sure, I like the light in Hubs eyes when he sees a bit more flesh than usual, but I respect him, and myself too much to go flaunting myself in public. That extra flesh is for him... No, what I mean is that even though I will have less body to clothe, I won't have much clothes for the body, and the same crappy budget I've always had. I have to guard against over spending just because I "need" a pair of jeans. Luckily I love thrift shops.
The above may not seem like much. It's not a lot really, and honestly? I think I won't have to work too hard to guard against these things since I actively guard against them now anyway. Not flirting with other men when you are married? Kinda part of the deal. Just don't do it. Not spending out of budget on clothes? Uhmm... probably not a big deal because I never really have a budget for that stuff anyway. I just know myself, and I know that when I was closer to my goal weight as a young single woman, I got to do the dumb stupid things like flirt with lots of guys and overspend on clothes. Sure it was fun, but none of it made me happier. None of it was really worth the kind of issues it would cause me now, so why bother? I just had to write about it after reading that woman's article and do a bit of self analysis and make sure I'm gonna be OK. We're gonna be OK. Because I love Hubs, and he loves me. There is NO quandary there.
Now... If you are post surgery:
1) What has been your experience in your relationships? With Hubs/BF? Bestie? etc... any nuggets of wisdom?
2) Suggestions for restocking your wardrobe that won't break the bank?
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