Christmas!!!!

Yay! I can't say enough about this time of year. It's been magical, frustrating, insomnia inducing, and cuddle worthy all in one this season.
We're broke, but Christmas is happening, thanks to some creative accounting and a few cyberfriends.
That's all I can say today! Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Shopping with Fubs

I reallytruly love that he likes to do the grocery shopping with me. It's helpful, and nice to not HAVE to do it all by myself, then hope when I get home that he's of present mind and comes to help unload. Because he is in the car with me..and helps unload! He also does the "oops, I forgot this" running for me so I don't have to push the cart 3 aisles back to get the sugar. I also tend to stick to this list better, actually I tend to cut a lot out of the list because with him there I'm more mindful of how much I tend to stock pile just cuz I can, not because we truly need it.

but....

can I PLEASE get a trip in all by myself just once, like once every 3 months? You know the kind of grocery trip where I get to wander the aisles and see what the new products are really like and if the coupon I have is enough to make me try them. Also, if I was able to take my time like I like to do I probably wouldn't forget the sugar as much and wouldn't need to back track much, if at all. Also, Peaches could push the cart which she loves to do, but I don't let her when Fubs is with us because he has no patience for an 8 yr old and their inability to keep the aisles moving.

I just really would like that. Just once in awhile. I might get to buy a bakery box of NoBake cookies and stash them since if I make them myself...he knows it... and eats them.

Merry Christmas!

This free picture collage personalized with Smilebox

I can't believe it's Dec. 1st already. Even Peaches said to me "Mommy! It's the 1st of December!" Like she thinks this month is special or something.

Thanks to programs like Toys for Tots, and the United Way's very cheap "Breakfast with Santa" we get to have fun this Christmas and more than the 3 gifts I can afford... but she and B-Ro have no idea how tight things are this year...uhhhgain.

I'd like to scrape together the $30 bucks it takes for the four of us to get to D.C. and go see the National Christmas tree this year. What and awesome experience that would be!

Anyway...not much to report on the weightloss front. I'm actually considering Lap-Band... FML

Broken, so broken right now

My nephew's baby boy, Jr. is in the hospital, a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome with blunt force trauma.

His mother's boyfriend did it.

That is all I can say about that.

Sunday Mornings

This Sunday morning is uneventful because girlie and I chose to stay home from the boys football game. It's COLD. I have housework to do, now that I am working again I don't get as much done as I used to. My dishes are piled up, my dusting is thick, and my dining table has PILES. I mean there is stuff from every room in the house piled up there.

I also have a mission to help Fubs get the garage organized before we face some fun weekends to come. He and B-Ro are going camping, then we have Puddin' Heads B-Day. Then a Game night with friends, then Halloween weekend and B-Ro's B-Day. WOW. Then the Holidays kick it into high gear. I am not overwhelmed, I am not overwhelmed, I am not overwhelmed!

OK, It's time for Mommy to share the computer.. have a great day yall!

New Things... and dollars in my pocket!

Sooo... I gots a new jizob! Ok, it's great for me, but a bit scary. I get to work from my house, 30 hrs a week. I'm just worried because it's a brand new company and could fold any minute, right? So that's new.

The not so new is that not much is different in my weight loss journey. I just have no motivation. I mean, walking to the mail box is my only real movement most weekdays, and weekends we spend most of our time in the car going to the kids' sports stuff, or visiting fam & friends. I don't eat a lot, but it seems to be just enough to maintain my current weight. 287. This sucks.

Fubs and I have had more fights about how we are raising the kids. B-Ro gets away with a lot because Daddy feels guilty that he only sees him 2 days a week. Peaches gets the discipline cuz she's here with us all the time. I've decided that I'm going to put a positive spin on it for her and point out to her that Fubs loves her and wants what is best for her. The boy will turn out how he turns out and woe unto anyone who blames the daddy. I just have to accept that.

I am so bad at this!

My last post was right before the kids got out of school, so I will let that be my excuse - summer - kids out of school - pool time - what have you...
The last week in June we took Peaches to my parents for the summer. She has been there ever since, and 3 weeks later...I finally miss her. Up till now it's been more a feeling of something being missing. Not actually missing HER. I know, sounds bad. I'm a crappy mom. I can't WAIT for my kid to go away for 5 weeks so I can sleep in, and laze around with Fubs. Heck - the days we were totally kid free (The Boy was at his Mom's) I hardly got dressed til I had to! WOO HOO! But now, we are planning to go up to Michigan ourselves next week, and it can't happen fast enough. I miss her, I miss home, I miss my fam, I miss my church... just excited.

There is also this other thing I will have to do when I get there. I will need to go visit my friend Chene in the hospital. This: Chene's Brain.com is what I have been doing for the past 3 weeks. Please go read the stories (I wrote them) and the Media, the updates, etc... This has been consuming all my computer time. Nicole is my very best friend from forever ago. We've been besties since I was 8 and she was 12. Her husband...well, I love to hate him, hate to love him... He's an ass...but he's our ass.

Anyway, that's it for today - the next blog will be about some of the things that have surfaced in my relationship with Fubs. So hang on to your seats..!!!

Guest Blogger (sort of, I stole it!) : Date a Girl Who Reads...

I found this today while Stumbling and fell in love with this blog. I had to re-blog it because this one...this particular one...is so perfectly me. Thank you Monica!

The Monica Bird

Feb 13, 2011
"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

Post-Gall Bladder Removal...

OK, it seems I am dropping even more weight then I ever thought. I am now down to 287. Yup, that is Two hundred Eighty Seven Pounds. Down from 312. Wow. 25 lbs since what? April 22nd or so? I wish I could claim I just am really working hard and doing what is best in portions and such..that is not it at all.
It seems that since the removal of my poor blighted, stone filled, gall bladder I have Bile Salt Diarrhea. Very Common after a Cholecystectomy. There are things I will need to do to balance this, but my diet has changed considerably.
I eat smaller meals because I get full really fast now (all the bile in my tummy?). I don't eat but maybe 2 meals most days because I am not hungry most of the time either. If the diarrhea was not as uncomfy as it can be... I'd be happy to leave things as they are! Well, I have an appointment with my doc in a few weeks and we'll see what to do about this. Till then maybe I will lose another 10-20 lbs! Woo Hoo! Sorry - so bad of me.

It's been too long...

I'm down 6 more lbs! Probably more since I was weighed at the ER. I went in with severe abdominal pain... Gallbladder... huge stone... sucks. Removed it...wonder how much it weighed?

Two nights in a row I suffered. It's not the first time, but it is the first time it was so bad the pain made me nauseous. So by night two I had already WebMD'd the symptoms, and dissected the self-diagnosis with my niece (aka Selly) who has had gallbladder prob's and subsequent surgery. So I knew what I was in for and knew I wasn't messin around. They would fix me or I wasn't leaving. Thank goodness I was right and the simple honest truth of my symptoms was really all they needed to know what to go ultrasounding for.. It was a pretty big stone too. I found that curling up while sitting Indian style felt best. I couldn't straighten out or lay down till they drugged me with lovely lovely Delaudid straight into my IV. Now I get why people self-medicate. My boss called at one point to check on me. I pretty much said "Hi!" "I'm on drugs" and he let me go...LOL he got a good chuckle from it when we spoke again later and I had no recollection of the first convo. Seriously...

So, Fubs brought me home aaand... the dishes were all still right where I left them, and they stayed there till I got sick of them and the newly added piles THREE DAYS LATER. Not one dish had been done. No - I didn't have to cook...but still... I had to do the damn dishes, and before you wonder too much, YES! I ASKED HIM TO DO THEM!

When I mentioned it later Saturday after moaning about over doing it he said "I didn't ask you to do them, They weren't bothering me" Huh...well glad you're the only one who lives here and has to wash a fork every time you want one for you or your kid to eat something. Glad they weren't bothering you at all, SOoooo glad you didn't get that they bothered me hence the moment the day before when I ASKED YOU TO DO THEM!!!!!!

So before yall start hissing cuz I make him out to be SUCH a bad guy and why do I stay, yadda yadda yadda. Seriously He is the best in so many ways that the really annoying domestic crap is really more fun to complain about than it really is that bad. For example - The next day, Sunday Morning? MOTHER'S DAY? He got up with my girlie, letting me sleep in. Brought me breakfast in bed... exactly what I wanted to eat, even. Then let me be lazy all day because when I got downstairs the dishes I hadn't felt up to finishing were done, the laundry had been collected and taken down (I don't like him to do laundry... we have enough clothes, it can wait till I can do it) and I was allowed to make our plans for the whole day. Lunch at his parents (mine are in Michigan, of course) and then a park so Peaches could burn off some energy. We picked up some stuff for his special ooey gooey grilled cheese sammies and headed home. He even hung out with me while I watched the shows he really doesn't like to watch. He even remembered to text my mom and wish her a Happy Mother's Day all on his own.

See? He is a gem. I just love him bunches. Life sucks right now all around for us. Finances are in the crapper, and no way out for awhile. But really? That is all! We just have to remember we are in this together. More correctly HE needs to remember that and not shut me out because he's a caveman and I'm his little woman.

New friends.

Well, sort of. One of my first friends here in Pennsyltuckey. Denise - very nice, wasn't sure about her at first but now I see she could totally be a good friend. She gave us a ride to soccer today (Our cars, Rusty and Goldie, are both in the shop).
And we had a great time just chatting and laughing. I am excited.

Friends are few and far between for me. Fubs is my best friend, then my parents, my niece, then a small group of life long friends follows. I RARELY include new people into my circle. Which is funny since I am completely gregarious and outgoing... but I don't let people in... ya know?

Sure, I might let you in a bit - and let you know a lot about me, but most of it you will find describes parts of me that I have outgrown or am no longer having issues with. Anyway - it's hard to explain, I will get back to that another time.

For now I gotta go snuggle with Peaches before bedtime. Night yall!

When your mood sucks...

It makes my mood suck too. Sorry hunni, I just wish you could get out of this funk you are in.

Seriously FauxHubs' (let's shorten that to Fubs, Shall we?), Fubs' bad mood makes me feel all cruppy and stuff too. I wanna be whiney and pouty. Not that it would help any, because he really has every right to be in a sad/bad mood. His Nana passed last week after suffering from Alzheimer's for many many years. Our jobs are not doing what we need them to do financially, and of course he bears the brunt of it, and... he can just only take so much.

So he lays in his bed and plays on his laptop and watches TV for HOURS ON END.

Gets very depressing.

Holiday Meals

I think I did well today. I had:
Ham
SMALL amount of Mustard Potato salad
3 mini-dinner rolls w/butter
Frito's w/vegetarian chili and shredded cheese and sour cream
Cottage Cheese Salad (About a whole cups worth, maybe more cuz I LOVE LOVE the stuff)
1/2 a small slice of some really rich cake thing, and one bite of homemade key-lime pie.
I was never stuffed, or even full really - just satisfied, and still satisfied, 8 hrs later! Not sure if I will eat more now or not since it's so late and I haven't snacked after 8 PM in 3 days... hmmm...

COTTAGE CHEESE SALAD
1 large container of Cool Whip
2 medium containers of Cottage Cheese
2 packages of Jello (any flavor)
1 or 2 cans of Fruit (your choice!)

Mix!

I like Lime Jello w/Crushed and Chunk Pineapple. My Dad likes Orange Jello with Peaches or Mandarin Oranges. My Mom likes Cherry Jello with Fruit Cocktail. It's up to you!

Weight Down!!!!!!

Yup - down 5 lbs according to the doc's scale. But - my blood pressure is up again. I attribute that to being at work again. I really am not meant to be a working mom. I'm supposed to be a stay at home mom. I stress so much about money. I should just never have to worry about anything but my dishes and laundry and dusting and making sure my family is fed.

That is my dream. To have enough money one day that I can stay at home and not work. So - until that day comes... I work.

I don't have much else to say today. Weekends seem to be pretty drama free for us, and relaxed. We're decorating EASTER EGGS TODAY! WooHoo!! Picture Op anyone?

I can over eat... forget over blog...

I didn't! over eat that is. We just had yummy steak and potatoes and gravy and peas. I ATE ALL MY PEAS MOM! (I hate peas). This week also saw the re-introduction of Navy Beans to my palette. It has been decades since I have had them, and never forevers since I wanted them - so...shocking, I craved them and now love them.. in small amounts.

I am definitly being more active... even though my knee protests vociferously. Hopefully I can get the poundage down... I actually have wedding to be in, in August. Ughh...

Right now I am ready for bed and fighting the munchies. I actually need to get up from this deathboard (my computer desk) and just go to bed before I eat...especially since my deathboard is in the kitchen.

Night yall!

Can you over blog?

I'm just curious.. I mean - does anyone really want to read a daily account of other people's stuff? Who has time for that!?

I myself must because I follow several blogs. They make me chuckle, they make me sigh, they make me fat. It's their fault... d@mn recipe guru's..

OK. that's all for today, except one thing... have you Stumbled today? (www.stumbleupon.com)

Meds! 4 times out 5 days!...

Really? I only missed one day, which is a bit miraculous. I'm impressed.
I still feel like crap, and still will for awhile... but that is life I guess.

I wanna talk a minute about Grave's Disease. I had never heard of it before I was diagnosed with it, and was scared as I am sure many people are. In the long run I was glad to finally understand why I was always disoriented yet hyper aware, fatigued yet sleepless, starving all the time even though I just ate, and many many other contradictions and ailments. The adrenaline rushes and the panic attacks were horrendous. I truly could go from Normal to Psycho in 0.02 seconds. I was depressed, but never manic. I thought I was losing my mind. I can't say that enough, or explain it in any more accurate terms. I was convinced I was just days away from being admitted.

Why would a disease cause so much? It's a thyroid condition! The Thyroid regulates SO MUCH in our body and you never even know til something goes wrong! As a Grave's sufferer you have a Hyper-Thyroid. The exact opposite of the more commonly know Hashimoto's Disease or Hypo-Thyroid. Instead of fatigue and an inability to wake up, you are fatigued and exhausted and your body constantly seems as if it is running a marathon, so it's impossible to sleep. Insomniac? I could keep up with the worst of them. Restless Leg Syndrome? Yup. TMJ? of course! My resting heart rate was 90 beats per minute people!!!! What sucked was here I was with a super mega-fast metabolism, but all I could do was eat... I couldn't even diet because I was so tired I carb-loaded and sugar-hyped and caffeine-guzzled just to function for my 3 yr old Mini-Me.

Walking through the store I might have to stop and re-balance myself and just wait for the adrenaline rush to subside, or leave a cart because I would be so suddenly incapable of pushing it from fatigue. It was awful really, just horrible. Also, it was making an already difficult marriage much worse because I couldn't be rational, and do what needed to be done (ending it) and his drug and alcohol use made it impossible for him to comprehend any of what I was going through. In fact - the day before my scheduled thyroid radiation treatment, we fought. It got physical, and I ended up having to call 911. That was the last day we ever spent in a house together. 6 months later, my thyroid was really and truly dead, and I was working on building up my synthetic thyroid dosage. We have it about right now, I just need to remember to take it!

I guess that is all for today - a bit more serious I think, but... I wanted to address it.

Have a great day! Thanks for reading.

stupid phone

Uhmmm... this was supposed to be a blog from my phone - not sure what happened. Not even sure I remember what i was supposed to be blogging. I think it involved going all leaky roof on someone and 100 proof black label Captain Morgan's... not so clear on this one!

Why? When all the other crap is so much fun to deal with!?

First - my advice to two young marrieds I know who are separated and divorcing.. geezus, merry, and wycleff... can't yall keep it off Facebook? People are losing JOBS because of the things they say flippantly and in good fun on that thing. Here you are trashing each other for all the world and YOUR GRANDPARENTS to see! Where's your lawyers kids? At least they should know better...

Whew - just had to get that off my considerable chest. NEXT!!! Hunni - really? You wanna pick on her saying "I know" all the time? There is so much more we have to deal with, and I'm really trying hard to not get pissed off about you saying "I know, and the list is getting longer".

edit: yes - I know I just did what I just advised my young friends against doing...but I'm allowed because this is a BLOG... and even if you figure out who I am (or know right away cuz I didn't try real hard to hide it), I'm going to say "It's not the same thing". And blithely go on about my day as if I didn't just basically say my hunni was being a douche tonight. He isn't usually and he has earned a ton of panty points for those times when he is..so it's OK.

OK, I'm better now. Let's see...
Today I ate: A bowl of cereal, three, two and a half No-Bake Cookies (I dropped half of one and couldn't reach the floor board to get it because my jeans are too tight), a hot dog, and french fries, more Dr. Pepper. I love this diet - if only it worked....

Up and Down...

Today had a few (no I did not have "a few"...anything! the day had some ups and downs!)... My knee hurts. seems I might have to be more diligent about taking my thyroid meds because it affects joints...huh.. oh! and the migraine's are back, whoops!

I'm such a mess. But I have been busy ALL day and here is what I ate because of it: Double Bacon thingie at BK w/fries and a Coke. About 3 oz. baked chicken w/BBQ sauce, some green beans, and a little noodles (chicken&broccoli:::shudder::). And a Dr. Pepper. Terrible. I walked a bit though.. in boots.. for work.. it sucked.. but I got a sale.. woohoo a paycheck comes!

Then I got in a fender bender. I wasn't driving, Mr. Always Right was. But the fender bender really was my fault since I am the one who pointed out the mural on the derelict building next to us was not anonymously painted it was tagged by someone named _©hris_ . Hence the turn of FauxHubs head...and the crashing of bumpers with MY car. grrrr.... but of course, it was worth it to prove (Yet UhGain!!) who is really always right)

Oh - I should intro you to FauxHubs, aka Mr. Always Right. He's my hunni. He's my luverrrr. He's my college buddy-whom-I-never-did-more-than-kiss-because-hewasacheerleaderguyandthosegirlswerewaycoolerthanIwas. ::whew:: We found each other on...drumroll please.... yup! you guessed it! FACEBOOK! about 2 yrs ago. I'll tell that story Uhnother day!

Ok, sleep sweet kiddies...

Hmmm... 2 posts in one day. I hope it's not a trend...

Diet? not so much... back on Meds? Well, I picked them up, does that count? By the way I am on thyroid medication - or I'm supposed to be but I suck at staying with it. It's 4 weeks since my last dose. The blood test I did that week is great though so I had my #'s in order 4 weeks ago. But I guess that is why I jumped 15 lbs from my last Dr. visit, eh? Oh... yeah - I have Grave's Disease. My thyroid was eradicated by irradiated iodine in May of 2007. Hence the worst of my weight struggles.. my fault of course - I never remember my meds, remember?

So the other thing weighing in is that Mini-Me was written up today for pushing someone else at recess today. Not the first time she has hurt other kids, from what I understand... I'm baffled. I'm confused. I want to shake a tree, I'm so pissed. SHE KNOWS BETTER. What is turning my baby into a monster? What do I do?

I guess I don't care?

I was informed of this today - seems I don't care. Well, Eff U. I do. And what I do care about is so much more than you were referring to.

 So let's just discuss the weight. I care about mine, I care about yours, and I care about hers (her being Princess Peaches Puddin Head, aka Mini-Me). At 7 yrs old I shouldn't have to worry about hers - but I do... because the slippery slope is steep and long. I intend that she will know more about health and nutrition in her little head then anyone could ever imagine. Mostly she will never, and has never heard me rip myself up for being overweight. She knows I understand I am overweight and she knows I am worried about it. She knows this because we have talked about HEALTH. Never looks. Mommy is loving herself enough to do better, and teaching Peaches better because of how much I love her. Did I mention we don't discuss it from a body/beauty image? It's not about image... it's about being the best YOU.

This is what I choose to focus on and care about today. Not that other crap.

Weight Loss Rule #1

Draw your line in the sand!

... I've done it a million times. I've said "This is it" or "This is the fattest I will ever be"
I lie to myself a lot...

So here I am UhGain... fatter (I know it's not a real word, but I'm attempting to be all "look at me I'm a cool a$$ blogger") then I've ever been... and determined to do something this time.  I will do it with humor, perseverance, a bit of failure and set back for flavor, and I will Eat and Leave the Food Alone!

I will also not be hounding my friends and family to follow my blog - infact, I probably will hope they don't. How else can I say things I probably don't want them to know?

From time to time I will throw out some biblical truths, and some crappy advice and even the occasional swear word (di$gu!s#d 0f c*^rse) and I might even rain on someone else's parade. Or bring a little merry sunshine in - who knows? ::shrugs:: I will post pics as often as I take them - and weights as often as I get them - and maybe even an exercise note or two - I really don't know...

But as I said... and my family will understand... I will "Eat and Leave the Food Alone"