My GrandpaT always said at nearly every meal to at least one of us grandkids "Why don't you eat and leave the food alone?" Which, to a 5 yr old, is pretty confusing. I think I have it figured out, but don't tell my family. We all believe what we want about Grandpa's words of wisdom on just about everything in the world.
For me, I will simply say - it makes me wonder what in the world I really have eaten myself into...

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Postoperative Parameters (TBBS #whatever...I HAD SURGERY!!!!

 ....seems I typed this, then didn't post it... that was at 6 wks post op.

My surgery date was September 28, 2016.

5'6" 43 yrs old
HW: 331
SW: 305
CW: 266
GW: 160-ish

I've lost a bit less than 40 lbs since surgery... I will never find them again. I am not sad. I say farewell with glee and joy.

OK, maybe a little sad... but that's because of hormones. And nausea, and dehydration, and lack of protein. I actually hate food right now, so... that sucks. I have had to get one IV hydration, and probably need another... but I really don't want to go into the ER to get it.

My clothes are lose. My shoes are lose. and my face is thinner. I can see the pounds melting off.

I just wish I could get away from the nausea. It's my only regret. I make food, and it looks YUMMY. When I smell it, or taste it... nope. I'm done. Can't eat another bite. And NOTHING sweet. Ughhh...

I hate protein shakes. I hate adding unflavored protein.. but I'm going to have to start doing it. I don't have a choice.

Monday, September 26, 2016

The #N S V Array Tabula (my #nsv list for TBBS #7)

In the weight loss world we have an acronym you will see a lot: NSV, which means Non-Scale Victory. These are things that occur as your weight drops that has nothing to do with the actual number of your scale. I usually hashtag it, because I like to search those hashtags for inspiration...

So - here are the ones I am looking forward to (these are in no particular order... just numbered for future reference):

  1. Less luggage when I travel
  3. More sleeping space on my queen size bed with my 6'4" husband
  4. My children will be affected -- in a good way. "They develop healthier eating patterns, eat healthier food," Madan tells WebMD. "A teenager is smart enough to see that if Mom or Dad is going through major surgery to lose weight, they don't want to be there themselves."
  5. Crossing my legs without needing a chair , wall, or hubs leg to prop my foot against.
  6. No longer being able to use my upper tummy as a table
  7. Jogging without dying
  8. Fitting into those Jordache jeans I STILL have.
  9. Not paying extra for Plus size clothes
  10. Shopping in non-plus size clothing stores
  11. Wearing Hubs' clothes because they are bigger, comfier, and cozier.
  12. Keeping up with my family without pain and exhaustion when we go on trips or tours.
  13. Painting my toenails without using my contortionist skills
  14. Seeing everything I am shaving without fear of falling in the shower
  15. Positions!!
  16. No more HBP meds
  17. No more CPAP
  18. My back may stay aligned longer... I love my Chiro, but it's crazy how often he has to put that ONE vertebrae pack in place.
  19. Looking great in the Jeep when we drive with the doors off... my fat won't overflow my seat anymore.
  20. Having room to wiggle when I buckle up!
  21. Sitting on Hubs lap and not worrying I'm too heavy.
  22. Hubs being able to pick me up! (Without crushing the life out of me or hurting himself).
  23. My willpower will not need to be so willful, because the changes come more naturally. I WANT to eat what is good for me, and NOT eat what is crap
  24. Look younger!
  25. more to come........
These are just the first ones off the top of my head... I will add when they appear, or I think of them!

Baritastic Social - guest post...stolen off F B , actually

I am a regular poster in a fantastic WLS support group named Baritastic Social. Recently a poster asked for our top 3 pieces of advice. One of our ladies posted this well worded, wonderful (and timely, for me!) list. 

September 22 at 12:53pm
Yesterday someone asked for 3 tips to new surgery patients. I went back and edited my I have way more than 3. But I wanted to post for higher visibility.
Disclaimer: As with all of us, I am not a doctor. This is knowledge gained from my own experience, and from participating in this group. Your experience may be different...Some stall longer, some don't throw up at all, etc. Everyone is different, but these notes are the more common.
RNY 1/25/16, HW:327, SW:312, CW: 220, GW:160 - I'm 5'8"
Maybe we can all make a single document of knowledge for everyone heading towards the loser's bench?
So you are scheduled for surgery....
Things they don't prepare you for:
1. Right after, few days, or a week or so after you will regret it. You will hit an emotional wall and will question what you have done to yourself. This feeling will prove to be temporary.
2. About 2 weeks in you will stall, and it will last (on average) 2-3 weeks.
3. While on the liquid phases your breath is going to STINK, no gum or mints allowed - brushing won't even touch it. Listerine breath strips are your best friend.
4. Your hormone balances are going to change. This means potential emotional train-wrecks for the first months. It also means that diseases that are affected by hormones, such as PCOS or even diabetes, can rapidly vanish post surgery.
5. More for RNY than Sleeve: You are going to throw up...a lot, especially at the beginning. Any time you eat too fast, or something too spicy, or didn't chew well enough, or any of the other hundreds of reasons your new anatomy has decided to reject your food. Learn from the mistake, or try that food again in a few more weeks. It stops happening as often as the months go by.
6. Hormone changes also mean that your body chemistry may change (as in how you smell, or how much you sweat). You may need to try different soaps or deodorants after a few months.
7. New noises! You new anatomy is going to sing you the song of it's people, even when you need to be quiet. Grumbles and other sounds do calm down after a while, but will still pop up every so often.
Diet tips:
1. Don't load up pre-surgery on supplies. Your tastes are going to change, and what you liked before you may not after. Most people say things are too sweet.
2. All non-caffeinated liquids count towards your fluid total including, but not limited to: protein shakes, popsicles, soup, and yogurt.
3. Boca Burgers count in the soft foods phase!!! (When you can eat eggs, long before real meat is allowed, you can eat a Boca burger)
4. Find a favorite restaurant that will accommodate menu changes. My favorite is Red Robin - I get a grilled chicken sandwich, no bun, and cup of chili, clam chowder, or black beans as a side. They also have Boca burgers, and that was my first post-surgery restaurant experience.
1. Start slow. Your first week just get up as you can and move. You are not doing a 5k two days after surgery, just getting back and forth to the bathroom may be enough.
2. You start post-surgical life still stuck in the same body you had going in. It will take time to build up strength and stamina. Walked a mile a day last week? How about a mile and a half this one - push yourself, but don't break yourself.
1. Constipation runs rampant with how we all now have to eat. Miralax is often the recommended fix for "pressing" problems. Daily walking, getting in required fluids, some daily Benefiber, and a daily cup of decaff coffee have all been listed as ways to stay regular. Do remember that your habits are going to change, since you don't eat as much anymore - so you may not go as often.
2. NO NSAIDS - this is forever. Why? because they can burn a hole in your now tiny stomach. Tylenol only for pain, most allergy meds are ok - go here for a better list…/medications-after-bariatric-su…

3. Everyone's doctor has different recommendations, and everyone has a different starting point/body makeup. Don't compare - do what your medical team has told you and stick to the plan you have been given (both for food and meds)
Don't let anyone dull your sparkle. There is still a stigma attached to this process, and many call it the easy way out. When you hear that, and you will at some point, just carry the knowledge that nothing about this is easy and you are working hard for your results.

Friday, September 23, 2016

The Procrastination Approximation (TBBS #6)

As usual, I have gone way too long between posts and much has changed.

I didn't get in with Penn State Hershey, they were worried the distance would hinder my commitment to the necessary follow up. I did switch to Meritus WLS in Hagerstown, MD. This has been a great thing! They accepted me, and pushed me right through as if I was with them all along.
My surgery is approved by my insurance. My date and time is set.

I will be arriving at 12:00 PM and enter surgery at 2:30 PM. I'm getting a bit nervous. More because my surgeon and I don't know each other well, and he, in doing his job has expressed surprise at my choice in RNY vs VSG. He is of the opinion there is no difference in results. I see why he is of that opinion, but I don't agree with him. So... a bit of trust goes into me letting him cut me open when he says "Will you sign this form that says you want me to do VSG if the RNY is medically impossible?" Sure, of course... but what is medically impossible? How many times has that happened to you? And if I end up with sleeve, not bypass... please understand I will be seeking another opinion and revision if I can and feel it's necessary.

It's all good though... I'm ready. I'm more than ready.
I have been taking TONS of before pics. When I see someone else's after or #NSV pic, I take a before of the same thing on me so I have a reference for later.

I'm going to make two more posts this week..
One to list all my before pic ideas.
One to list all my #NSV's
And maybe a third... one lady in my Facebook group Baritastic Social wrote a great post about what to expect.

RNY is Roux-En-Y aka Gastric Bypass
VSG is Vertical Gastric Sleeve
#NSV is Non-Scale Victory

Thursday, July 28, 2016

The Surgeon Experimentation - BS #5

It's been 2 months since my last post. A lot has happened, and not much at all either.

I'm on track to have my surgery soon. It's been 6 months since I started this journey... and it's been long... and flown at the same time. Typical Time Space Continuum thing.

Last month, my Bariatric Surgery team informed me my surgeon is no longer doing Bariatric Surgery. That meant I had to find a new Surgical program. I made some calls, found one in the medical group I used to work with when I lived in Gettysburg. I met with one of the doc's in York, PA. I won't go into details, but it was not a good fit. I then called Penn State Hershey Surgical Weight Loss. This is actually who I would have chosen first, and had researched them several years ago. Hubs wanted me to find someone closer though. I luckily found my old program, and actually really liked them all! I kinda hate to say goodbye top them!

I am in the process now of being accepted into PennState's program, and will be able to have my surgery soon.. hopefully.

Through all of this, I found myself a bit derailed. It was disappointing to know I had to switch doc's. I kinda went a bit crazy. Drinking Soda, not eating right. I got back on track pretty quickly, but still. It's a good reminder of how easily this journey can go bad, fast.

I have lost 11 lbs since I started (give or take a couple depending on whose scale I'm on). We have moved into a new house (right in the middle of finding out I needed to switch teams!! Hello Stressor!), which we LOVE.

Also, Here are some "Before" pics for you... Just think, in a few months, I'll be showing you my progress into a smaller sleeker, healthier body!!

Thursday, May 26, 2016

From Whence We Came (#4 in my Bariatric Stories)

A part of this journey is reflection on your past. How you got here, where you're going.

I've mentioned my eating disorder as a teen. If you've read my earlier posts you've gotten a glimpse of my last 13 yrs or so from my stories. But let's re-cap, and fill in some of my earlier info:

Born in California where we met a dynamic preacher and followed him to Michigan to help him start his ministry there. I grew up in Michigan, normal stuff - nothing major. My teen years included leaving that church, suicidal tendencies, rebellion, a rape, and then going away to Lee University in Cleveland, TN (That's where Hubs and I met!) and quitting there...twice. My 20's were fun and full of friends and work. My relationships were random.
At 28, I moved to Louisiana to start a new life and try living away from all I held dear and all I needed to leave behind to grow. What an awesome experience. I learned so much about myself and who I am on my own away from those who made me who I am.
I met my daughter's father (The Exhole) but he is not who this little trip down memory lane is about.. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on my 30th birthday. A surprise, since my doc's told me when I was 23 that I'd probably not have kids. A blessing, of course... but a rough road since The Exhole and I should never have been together in the first place.

That situation made my pregnancy less than ideal. I was healthy.. but stressed, and didn't enjoy pregnancy like I'd always dreamed I would. Then I had her. Then the hormones went all kinds of crazy. The post partum depression set in.

You remember Brooke Shields and her book about her post partum? Yep.. this was next level.

I was not suicidal, or felt thoughts of self harm. I was just genuinely scared spit-less. If you know me, you would know I was born to be a mom. I have cared for children since I was 8 years old and took neighbor kids to the park to play so their mom's could get the house clean. My irrational fear of mommyhood was only explained by post partum depression. When my parents said they were going back to Michigan just 4 days after Peaches and I came home, I begged them to stay. I honestly thought I would lay her down in the middle of the living room floor and walk out, never to return again. I could see myself doing this. Like, actually saw flashes of it happening in my mind. They stayed a few more days, and then I was able to them go. I was a bit better by then, and of course they knew nothing of my fear.

I settled into mommyhood, slowly but surely. The post partum clung to me though until she was almost a year old. I remember walking down almost any stairs many times and I'd have to stop and clutch her to me to be sure the flash of her flying down the stairwell wasn't because I had just dropped (or thrown!) her. I had to stop and make sure it was just in  my head. Changing her diaper was even a nightmare sometimes. I'd be looking at her and then see a pillow over her face. I'd have to blink and breathe till I saw her smiling up at me instead. That's just two examples. Others included me seeing someone else hurt her, or she just being hurt and I was helpless to stop it. This wasn't just the imagining of a worried first time mom either. This was a desperate darkness that I thought I'd never survive.

I did. Obviously, and the baby girl is now my pride and joy. This is great! After coming clear of the fog of post partum I also dealt with my thyroid betraying me, which brought on a whole new slew of issues.

The whole point to this is that I'm reminded of these hormonal changes and the havoc they wreak on our minds. As part of WLS, you're body releases floods of hormones into you as it releases fat (where said hormones have been chilling for years). I am reflecting on all this to prepare myself for what is to come. The next year or so may be difficult for me in this way. It may be hard on my family. I am praying that remembering where I've been will help me get where I am going more smoothly.

Friday, April 22, 2016

The One Where Kristal Rambles (BS#3)

Here's the thing people, I have no rhyme or reason to today's blog post. I just have a lot on my mind and a lot to talk about right now.

Let's start with: I am doing horribly at this pre-op weight loss thing. I cut out soda (uhgain), it's been 3 weeks. I'm DYING for a coke. McD's Large Coke in a styrofoam cup, plz! I AM going to the gym. It's not my favorite place. I like the gym itself okay...I hate the sweating and the huffing and the puffing part of it. Really makes me cranky. I'm facing some of my personal demons too. Hello Binge Eating and Bulimia - you've been gone for so long.

Yes, I said Bulimia. Let me tell you about my past relationship with bulimia. As a 12 yr old, my mom in her own insecurities and the insecurities of a generation of women who suddenly discovered (thanks to Cable TV and all those glamorous tv shows like "Dallas") that their comfy curvy Marilyn Monroe-esque size 14 figures were no longer acceptable, decided she needed to DIET! And hey, here's my 12 yr old daughter who is 5 inches taller than all the other girls her age, and already outgrown her size 12 kids clothes - she must diet too! Now mind you... I do NOT blame my mom for this. Her thinking was no different than many millions of other women suffering their adulthood starting in the 60's and 70's. Also, we're talking about a time when kids clothes essentially stopped at size 12, unless you were "Husky" which was actually in the sizing of your clothes. ie" 12H. Maybe some brands even went so far as 14H. But anything beyond 14... you went to adult clothing. They didn't have "Juniors" back then. Not really. So there I was. 12 years old, taller and curvier than all the other girls my age. I was a walking target for bullying, which was bad enough, but then my mom had her well meaning church lady friends who suggested she put me on a diet. That's about the age I was when I drank my first protein/weight loss shake. Shaklee, With a banana in it. We also took Herbalife supplements. :::facedesk:::

At 16 I was officially overweight (now, I would have been considered obese). I did many diets. But my favorite thing to do? I could diet like the best of them, then one day, about every 3rd or 4th week, I'd stay home "sick" from school. I spent the day binge eating whatever I could make without my mom noticing the missing food. Mac & Cheese (the whole box). Cream of Wheat, w/toast. Cheese. Potatoes (raw, w/salt). Fried eggs w/cheese and bacon bits. Cookie Dough that I would mix a half batch up for just me. I ate till I was full, then puke it up. Cook something else, Eat. Puke. Find food. Eat. Puke. All day. I would clean my messes up, and leave no trace of me ever having eaten a thing. Then when dinner time came I'd say I was still not feeling well and skip dinner. Sometime before bed, I'd make something light and act like I was feeling better.

Along with any eating disorder, I found myself sneaking masses of junk food. Not from my parents cupboards... we didn't have any. No - I was working by then. I had my own money. I'd stop on my way home from work (Taco Bell) after having eaten there, and buy a stash of junk food. I'd stuff a bunch in my face before going home and then hide the rest til I could eat it without alerting the 'rents.

Please, understand through all of this I was also dealing with a very shaky faith in God, in fact I often had a complete lack of belief that I meant anything to God, and my very life suffered for it too. I will state here and now, I would not be who I am, and where I am if not for God. This journey is not separate in anyway from my journey through my christian walk. The two very much go hand in hand.

The low self esteem, lack of faith, binge eating, bulimia, and excessive weight were all part of my life for many years. BUT!! If you go back in my blog posts you'll read one titled "A Friendly Boost" about how I learned to have self esteem despite my life. Read it now or later, but read it please. If you struggle with self image at all, I would love to share this story with you.

With my developing self esteem and growing strength in the foundations of life with Jesus I learned one weird thing. I didn't need food to feel happy! In fact, I started to eat most often when I was ALREADY happy! Oh, and do you know how churches celebrate ANYTHING!? Oh yes, my dears...potluck!!!!! So, for the last few decades, I've done my best weight loss when under extreme stress or depression. Which means I have successfully lost a large amount of weight exactly 3 times since highschool. I didn't do any diets or anything..I just lose my appetite to the extent that I have to force myself to eat anything. The rest of the time, I'm generally happy, and generally eat because I can, and I love all the bad for you stuff.

So let's get back to those demons lurking in my past. These last few weeks, as I try to get my protein up, carbs down, etc... I find myself obsessed with food in a way I haven't been since highschool. I want to stop and get a chocolate shake. When I run to the store, if there is no one with me I actually contemplate buying an entire box of goodies and hiding them from my husband. Not just a candy bar, and hiding it because he'll eat it. Oh no, I want to hide it because I'm ashamed for him to see me be so weak. I haven't binged in one sitting yet, but I'm finding it harder to stop when I'm satisfied then I have in a long time. I don't have a desire to stick my finger down my throat so I can eat more either... but I'm afraid that thought will cross my mind a few time before I hit my goal weight. I don't know. I certainly have no answers at this point. I'm going to be dealing with these demons and many more for awhile. I just need to tell you all about it. I have some vague strategies in place to combat them. The biggest being that I just refuse to go back down those roads. But it doesn't mean I don't mentally fight with them all the time.

You will hear it again and again from me. Weight Loss Surgery is not the easy way out. It's just a tool. And yes, you get a lovely 6 month jump on weight loss, "The Honeymoon". But after that, you can screw it up. I pray I don't.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

The Hubs Quandary (BS post No.2)

BS = Bariatric Surgery, get your minds off the four letter words and such!

The Hubs Quandary. A quandary in which I begin to wonder how exactly Bariatric Surgery will effect Hubs, and there for me.

I read an article yesterday about a woman who had RNY and within 2 years she and her hubs split because he was unprepared for and did not know the woman she became post surgery. Mind you, she was young, married young, and had always been fat (let's call it what it is, shall we?). So, her hubs had no idea who this thin, flirty, clothes horse was.

It made me think of my friend Cole. First, let's establish her husband was a jealous abusive bleep. He couldn't handle men talking to her when she was chubby, but when she was skinny? Hooboy, THAT was a mess. Add to that her new found attractiveness, her new body that fit in all those awesome sexy clothes, and men paid positive attention to her because now they saw her, and she loved it. The marriage was toxic to begin with, but this just.. just.. well, it was bad.

Sis, I think went through a bit of a rough transition because her husband genuinly thought she was the hottest thing around before surgery, and when other men started noticing her post surgery... it was hard for him. But luckily, Sis was crazy in love with her hot hubs and it wasn't long before he relaxed again and realized she was his, he was hers, and nothing would change that.

My sexy hot hubs, who may not be your kind of sexy is exactly my kind. One of the things I like best is that even in my current body if he wanted to toss me on the bed and have his way with me, he's strong enough he can... It wouldn't be pretty or graceful (they don't call me "grace" for nothing), and there may be some groaning (not in the good way either) and a dire need of muscle relaxers afterwards, but he can do it! I do believe hubs has seen all the many facets of me. However, there are some things I am going to have to guard against.

THIS THING: I'm a flirt. I come by it naturally, my dad is too. I say sassy, flirty things, they come out of my mouth sometimes before I even realize I did it! I don't mean a darn thing by it, infact I kind of always assume men know that. I don't look like the kind of girl most men are attracted to, but that doesn't mean men always see it that way. Add in that, although my hubs may adore me to pieces... he isn't as naturally wordy about it as I need. He knows this. He works at it, but sometimes... it's not there. So - If I'm my new healthy body self and I flirt with no intentions, and someone flirts back with every intention, how long would it be before I am listening to that other man intently? See? It's something I have to actively guard against or I've just opened a can of worms I never want opened in my house. Here's the honesty bit that most women can't admit. I love the attention flirting gets me. I like sarcasm too, but flirting gives me a sense of triumph when someone flirts back. This is MY problem, not my husbands. This is something I have chosen not to do outside of my relationship with Hubs. I flirt with him. Only him. Ever. It's a choice everyday that I make. So looking at this from a skinnier post surgery point of view. It will be my job to make sure he knows that, and can trust in it. If he gets jealous, or worried it will be because he sees others noticing me, not because he sees me enticing others.

THIS THING: Part and Parcel of liking attention is wearing clothes that draw attention. I don't mean hoochy clothes. I mean great clothes. Fitted jeans, properly fitted tops, awesome boots, eye catching jewelry. All the kinds of clothes that cost the annual budget of a minor country when you start adding X's to the size. Nothing slouchy or frumpy. Sure, I like the light in Hubs eyes when he sees a bit more flesh than usual, but I respect him, and myself too much to go flaunting myself in public. That extra flesh is for him... No, what I mean is that even though I will have less body to clothe, I won't have much clothes for the body, and the same crappy budget I've always had. I have to guard against over spending just because I "need" a pair of jeans. Luckily I love thrift shops.

The above may not seem like much. It's not a lot really, and honestly? I think I won't have to work too hard to guard against these things since I actively guard against them now anyway. Not flirting with other men when you are married? Kinda part of the deal. Just don't do it. Not spending out of budget on clothes? Uhmm... probably not a big deal because I never really have a budget for that stuff anyway. I just know myself, and I know that when I was closer to my goal weight as a young single woman, I got to do the dumb stupid things like flirt with lots of guys and overspend on clothes. Sure it was fun, but none of it made me happier. None of it was really worth the kind of issues it would cause me now, so why bother? I just had to write about it after reading that woman's article and do a bit of self analysis and make sure I'm gonna be OK. We're gonna be OK. Because I love Hubs, and he loves me. There is NO quandary there.

Now... If you are post surgery:

1) What has been your experience in your relationships? With Hubs/BF? Bestie? etc... any nuggets of wisdom?

2) Suggestions for restocking your wardrobe that won't break the bank?

Friday, January 22, 2016

First things first...or next, whichever. (Post No.1, of the Bariatric Surgery posts)

Lot's on my mind.

Today I had my first appointment with my bariatric surgeon. Lots of things I have to do, and about 6 or 7 months before my actual surgery.

I know several people who have had a bariatric surgery, either Roux-En-Y (RNY), or Gastric Sleeve. For all who want to know, I have elected to go with Roux-En-Y, also known as Gastric Bypass. I have been researching this for many years and weighed the pros and cons of both types. I know myself, and know that the sleeve will not be as successful of a procedure for me. Now that we have that out of the way, let's get on with the 'blogging my journey' portion of this post.

First, why do people say they are going to blog their journey, but only start after the surgery? After their first "After" picture? A large amount of the people I know who have had the surgery have not told many people till just a few days before surgery. My theory is that they aren't sure of everyones reactions and are not sure they want to hear the negativity. I get it. I don't want to either, but I'm not afraid to, because I'm confidant in what I am choosing to do. It's what is best for me, and my future.

Second, why is everyones "before" pics always some blurry, bairly recognizable snap shot, or a mugshot like hotmess, makeup free, sallow skinned, sad, sad, mad, poorly lit picture in front of a wall in their bedroom? Again, I get it. It's because no one wants to have someone take their pic in all their fat glory. 

Well, I won't be doing either. As you can see, I'm blogging now. As for the pic. The next time I have a chance to take a cute pic for you that shows my current size, I will.

So, what brought me here... let's tell that part of the story:
If you read my blog, you'll see that I have had weight issues all my life. You would also read about my Graves Disease and subsequent thyroid issues. The surgery isn't a new desire for me, It's been 12 years in the making. Two people I know had the surgery done back then, and because of them I have two great examples of the best case scenario and worst case scenario of RNY. Sis, she had the surgery, and despite initial procedure issues she has done fabulous. Even had 3 kids and got back down to her goal weight. Cole, she had the surgery, got to her goal weight but freely admits she did a lot to sabotage herself. She also suffered what is known as "addiction displacement" and fell into a destructive cycle that nearly ruined her, her life, and our friendship. We're back on track and thankfully, so is she. Still, I have two people to be the example of what and what not to do.

In summer 2011 (stop skip ahead if you know this story) we took the kiddos to Hershey Park. If you don't know already, I have pretty good self esteem. Pretty solid on who I am and happy with how I look. I may be chubby, but I'm HOT in a curvy sexy way that is all me. Anyway, I knew there would be rides I would not fit on. No problem.. just don't ride a lot. We went through the whole day with no problems. Even surprised myself and got to ride a few rides I was sure I wouldn't be able to. On one of the last few rides, the bar wouldn't lock. I laughed, got on out of the car and made my way to the other side of the ride platform. All of our crew were on the ride, I was the only one not riding. I wasn't bothered and hoped no one else was for me. I turned around to watch them as they finished loading, when I saw Peaches look at me and say "I have to ride alone?" It happened that she didn't, our friend rode with her, but... wow... that moment. I saw my daughter face my weight in a negative way for the first time. She never cared that I was squishy as she called it, loved me anyway. That moment though, I saw her left alone because of my weight. Something that would be the story of her life if I didn't figure out how to get healthy. That night I told Hubs (he was still Fubs back then) that I would be having the surgery as soon as I could work it out. So, the next four years have been some successes and lots of failures in that regard. Some weight loss, some gain. I had insurance, then I didn't, then I did. Then Magoo needed braces, so we couldn't do it last year. Well... this is my year. And it starts today.

It'll be a long process. Lots of appointments, work outs, tests, etc... I'm anticipating few issues, since I'm commited to this. Just need to slog through it all!

That's it for now. I will post more as I meet with the nutritionist, start working out, cut out soda (again), and generally do this journey. Thanks for reading and please! Comment, share, whatevs.. let's talk!
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